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My Soul is Crushed with Grief Even to Death

Sad Children

These are not my words but they capture the sadness in my heart today; my soul is crushed with grief. Even to death. It’s Easter Sunday and usually we celebrate with friends, children and grandchildren; celebrating as a family in Christ. We have an Easter Feast and Easter egg hunt. Life is more enjoyable shared with 4 and 6-year-old bundles of energy.

We were especially excited this year as we have just moved to a home with some property and there are a hundred places to hide eggs, play chase, hide and go seek, do pull-ups from trees and the neighbors jungle gym! The things that produce true joy.

But not so in the year 2020 when our entire country, our entire world became overwhelmed by the CCP/Wuhan/Chinese COVID-19 Easter gift. I haven’t been angry, afraid, vindictive, accusatory — I never am. None of those emotions serve me or humanity.

What I am is heartbroken; deeply grieved by sorrow. We’ve lost so much of what we hold sacrosanct, absolute. And I fear, we might possibly have lost it forever. The weight of this thought crushes my spirit in a way that I’ve not experienced. Because this isn’t about me, this is about the global community. That carries a massive, unfathomable weight.

I try to steer clear of the news as much as I can, but with my business obligations, it would be grave folly to completely avoid it as it is my responsibility to protect my workplace family. COVID-19 has changed the livelihoods of the spouses of several of the 22 lives I’m financially accountable to. This just adds to the weightiness.

I enjoy deep friendship with individuals that espouse vastly different ideologies, political viewpoints, religious and humanistic beliefs. I’ve asked them their thoughts on the situation we are in. What follows are some of the thought’s others have shared with me, some of which will illuminate the reasoning behind my current emotional state.

“I think it’s a wake-up call that we need to realign ourselves with our Creator, our spiritual core, our divine self” says the executive founder & CEO of a tech firm.

“I’m tripping on the tripping” says the 50ish educator.

“It’s the worst thing I’ve ever lived thru” says my father, a 91-year old long retired US Army Lt. Colonel.

“China hoarded goods made by US companies in China, created the shortage of supplies to include N-95 masks and materials to make PPE supplies and medicines. Those products belonged to other countries and they refused to allow them to be shipped and now they are orchestrating a hero play by “releasing” floods of supplies in an effort to undermine America globally. Our mainstream media isn’t really even covering it; it’s unbelievable, they are aiding and abetting communism! Unbelievable. When will our media wake-up?” says my journalist friend whose job it is to cover this.

We will forever be changed much more than 9/11 because that wasn’t nearly as impactful as this. It’s a huge collective shift in how we view our safety and newly exposed vulnerability. Our belief that we are safe in America has been forever crushed.

Cyberterrorism, bioterrorism, military terrorism — it’s all the same — radical, extremist terrorism all creates the same outcome. We realize how vulnerable we really are.

I am becoming aware of the burden of these thoughts.

I’ve heard stories from healthcare workers in NYC, San Diego and Denver. Their stories I won’t even write here. Writing them will make them too real.

I know we’ll survive this, perhaps good will come out of it, I’m really looking for that elusive silver lining. My personality craves a peek of some sliver of goodness to come from this madness. Perhaps our values will shift towards more of a spiritual perspective? Or we’ll better cherish our families and friends, our freedom, our ability to earn an income, our co-workers, our health?

I’m looking for those obscure signs but in the mean time I will continue to be kinder than I really am, more generous, more concerned with the well-being of others than normal. It is the only thing I can do to find even the tiniest bit of peace.

On this 2020 Easter, may you too seek and find the pernicious silver lining in all of this.

Title and story inspired through New Living Translation: Matthew 26:38 He told them, “My soul is crushed with grief to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.”

DeLinda Forsythe - My_Soul_is_Crushed_with_Grief_Even_to_Death
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